I've been on the road with the girls since Friday. We visited friends in Pennsylvania until this morning, stopping by the Bethlehem, PA MusikFest yesterday to see the kids rock band StarFish. An old high school friend plays in this band, and it was wonderful to be able to be so sincerely complimentary to him. Great to see that he's doing well.
Today we visited with my friend Anne; tomorrow we'll go to NYC. First, and most important from my perspective, I'll get my hair cut by Maria at Zoran's at 46th and Lex; she's the only stylist I've ever known whose haircuts I have consistently loved, and they tend to last 3 whole months. I try to have her cut my hair whenever I'm down here, about twice per year.
Then, and more important from the kids' perspective, I'll take them down to the Statue of Liberty. They're really looking forward to this.
Tuesday, Wednesday, and part of Thursday we'll spend in Albany, as I'll be opening a KidsOutAndAbout.com there in the fall and need to get the lay of the land. I'll also meet with the folks from Albany Broadcasting to see how we might work together.
Ella is having a good time.
Madison is WIRED. She has been, ever since Thursday, when we went to the Yo-Yo Ma concert (which was so fantabulously awesome that I can't possibly do justice to it with mere words). Not that there is any connection, exactly; it wasn't Yo-Yo that caused her to be so tightly wound. (Pun not exactly intentional but not exactly unintentional either.) She started being hyped up as soon as David's student arrived to accompany us, and she has been up and down (hee hee) ever since. Frankly, it's been driving me a little nuts.
I've been noticing that as Madison enters the preteen years, she has if anything become *more* oblivious to her external presentation in social situations, and even less go-with-the-flow-be-a-good-sport-when-in-Rome kind of person than ever before. I think she can overcome this eventually, with brains and theory, but it's hard not to compare her with Ella, who naturally seems to know what is called for, and does it easily, without even thinking about it, as long as it doesn't seem unreasonable to her.
As an example: When one goes to a concert as an audience member, the feedback that one gives the performers is part of the payment. (Even, or perhaps especially, at a free concert like the StarFish concert yesterday.) So we clap, we cheer, and at a kids concert, we do what they ask like wave our hands in the air or stomp our feet, because we are good sports. We laugh at their corny jokes. We get into it, in any way we can. And when they ask for a volunteer mom from the audience to go up and play air guitar and our kids point-point-point at us, and when the lead singer urges us forward, we stifle any inward groans and put on a big enthusiastic smile and jump up on stage and do whatever they tell us to do. Because we are good sports.
Ella likes to dance. Ella goes along with basically whatever positive flow there is around her. So when they invite the kids up in front of the stage, she goes and dances and bounces the beach ball around or chases bubbles. She sings with the music. She claps. She gets into it. Ella is the ultimate good sport.
Not Madison, or at least not Madison YET. Although later she said the concert was great, during it, she was a big old blank. She did go up to bounce that beach ball around, but then afterward she stood stock-still in the dead center of the little kids dancing and just gazed at the stage with this NOTHING expression on her face. Even though I beckoned her over to the side and I whispered to her a bit about feedback and "if you can't go up there and get into the spirit then you just should politely sit back...when in Rome do as the Romans do or gracefully extricate yourself from Rome..." It was as though she had no idea what I was talking about. She looked bored for the entire concert, and I didn't really want the band to look down and see some bored kid. That's no good, especially when they were working really hard for a crowd of maybe 30 kids max. And, when one of those band members is a friend of mine.
So since yesterday, I've been thinking about Madison. She isn't "self-absorbed" in the sense we usually mean when we say that phrase, as in egotistical, but -- especially when she is in a wired phase as she seems to be this week -- she has a really hard time stepping outside herself and evaluating her own responses to people. Which is weird, because that's not to say she lacks consideration; she'd never be mean or rude to a friend one-on-one, or even be really oblivious. The idea of hurting someone's feelings fills her with horror, but maybe that only applies to kids, not adults, maybe she doesn't realize adults have feelings or think she can affect them, or something. I can't tell. It's as though the stuff she does right, she does it deliberately, sort of rehearsedly. We've gotten her to shake people's hand, say clearly, "Hi, I'm Madison" and look people in the eye. She does this like a good student, not like it's at all natural.
I know that I was awkward as a kid. Was I as awkward as she is? I vaguely doubt it, but I can't be certain. I'd love to think that I was as bad about this as she is, because then I could relax in the confidence that she'll outgrow this. In certain things, Madison gets by on brains, and I suspect that this is one of those things. I hope it happens soon, but I kind of don't think it will; she's got this big gawky new body that is poised to grow even more and in weird new ways, and I think she feels less comfortable in her own skin than ever. It may take a while.
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