I was a very shy, geeky, introverted kid. Yes, really. People look skeptical when I tell them this, but it's true. I was never taught about how to BE around people; no one ever verbalized skills such as: "Stand up straight, look someone in the eye, and smile as you shake their hand confidently." I tended to fold in on myself. But I changed all that very deliberately when I was about 18, and grew into a style that I'm comfortable with.
One thing I never knew as a kid, because I was never taught to talk to people, is what you can get if you just ask. Or, more precisely, what you can get if you cheerfully offer "value for value." It's an aspect of the beauty of capitalism, only without cash.
Now, I'm not talking about asking for handouts, for people to be generous with me out of the kindness of their heart because I need something that they have. No, I'm really talking about how it's important to connect with people who have something I can use, and that their giving it to me actually benefits them.
Of course, to get stuff, you have to give stuff.
In my case, what I can offer is visibility and great public relations through my web site. This week, my project was to get hotels and attractions to give me free packages to give away to KidsOutAndAbout.com readers as part of a big campaign I'm doing to get more subscribers to my Thursday morning e-newsletter. So far, in just three days of casual work on this, I have FIVE great packages donated for overnight vacations to various places within driving distance of Rochester. All I had to do was connect with managers personally, explain easily what I can give them (lots of visibility to exactly the market they're looking to attract) and ask for them to donate. And they did, with pleasure.
Similarly, going on the radio gives my web site a lot of exposure whenever I do it. So I asked my main radio personality contact, Marti Casper of 93.3, if she'd like me on next week. (I get visibility, they get a cheerful, articulate, I-love-Rochester guest.) Not only did she say yes, but she told me that one of their sister stations was asking her to let me know the next time I'm on, so THEY could have me on too.
(Update: The media group that owns both radio stations has just asked if I would consider being on every Friday!)
The point (and why this is a really good lesson to teach to kids) is: None of this would happen if I didn't ASK, and ask again, all the while happily and in a non-pushy way offering something I know is valuable. Even though folks like the radio station know I exist and like having me on, they rarely initiate having me on, it's usually me telling them I'm available if they want me.
So what I want my kids to take away from this: The idea that "if you build it they will come" is pretty much a pie-in-the-sky platitude. Build it, absolutely. Make it great. And then promote it like heck, but make sure not to be a pain in someone else's neck while you do it. It's a delicate balance.
It's important to keep both parts of this concept in mind for Everyday Activism, too: To be successful at changing the world, you need to build something whose value is attractive to others, and you need to promote it happily and cheerfully rather than defensively or bitterly.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Silvia is probably a better homeschooling mom than I am
Silvia, a nice hs-ing mom I met when we lived in Charlottesville for a year-and-a-half a few years ago, is far more hip than I. She and her kids are raising scorpions.
I always say I'd go to the ends of the earth and back for my kids, but this is something I would never, ever do. Just, no.
No in an "I-can't-vaguely-imagine-doing-this-even-though-it's-so-darned-cool-in-theory" kind of way. No in a "despite-all-of-the-valuable-experience-I'm-robbing-my-kids-of" kind of way.
I console myself with the idea that it's good to know one's limits.
Sorry, girls.
I always say I'd go to the ends of the earth and back for my kids, but this is something I would never, ever do. Just, no.
No in an "I-can't-vaguely-imagine-doing-this-even-though-it's-so-darned-cool-in-theory" kind of way. No in a "despite-all-of-the-valuable-experience-I'm-robbing-my-kids-of" kind of way.
I console myself with the idea that it's good to know one's limits.
Sorry, girls.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Three more agents to reject me before I try again
Three agents I met at the conference in late May still have my manuscript. As of today, they have had it for eight weeks.
Eight.
Yes.
Apparently, this is par for the course in publishing. I almost prefer the prompt rejections. Publishing etiquette doesn't permit me even a teeny-weeny hey-I'm-still-out-here-and-you-have-my-manuscript-maybe-it-got-lost? email to the agent for another four weeks! It's like that part of life is on hold. A manuscript held hostage.
I'm going to get old waiting for this to get published.
No matter, I'm slammed this summer anyway, what with real clients requesting real work (that THEY want to see back to them WELL before eight DAYS has elapsed, thank you very much, none of this eight-week nonsense), and with the slam-one-technological-door-open-another-and-run-right-through-it quality that this summer has had as I work to expand KidsOutAndAbout.com outside of New York. So I haven't had that much time to write...
except I've done my best. I've even started another book. A snappier book. A hipper book. One that is less 1950's and more 2000's (to quote from one of my stack of Frontier Team rejections). One that could actually win awards. One whose topic will be actually controversial, even--probably--with my writing buddy.
But no worries, Frontier Team fans (all four of you!), I'm still working on Book Two. Max is gonna solve that mystery, yes he is. I just have to work out the details. And, you know, finish writing the thing. In my copious spare time. As my own personal comedy duo sings "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" in the background.
(Hey, come to think of it, maybe that's not a bad whodunnit topic...)
No, no, it most definitely is not. I don't even write that way, for pity's sake.
I think I'd better go to bed.
Eight.
Yes.
Apparently, this is par for the course in publishing. I almost prefer the prompt rejections. Publishing etiquette doesn't permit me even a teeny-weeny hey-I'm-still-out-here-and-you-have-my-manuscript-maybe-it-got-lost? email to the agent for another four weeks! It's like that part of life is on hold. A manuscript held hostage.
I'm going to get old waiting for this to get published.
No matter, I'm slammed this summer anyway, what with real clients requesting real work (that THEY want to see back to them WELL before eight DAYS has elapsed, thank you very much, none of this eight-week nonsense), and with the slam-one-technological-door-open-another-and-run-right-through-it quality that this summer has had as I work to expand KidsOutAndAbout.com outside of New York. So I haven't had that much time to write...
except I've done my best. I've even started another book. A snappier book. A hipper book. One that is less 1950's and more 2000's (to quote from one of my stack of Frontier Team rejections). One that could actually win awards. One whose topic will be actually controversial, even--probably--with my writing buddy.
But no worries, Frontier Team fans (all four of you!), I'm still working on Book Two. Max is gonna solve that mystery, yes he is. I just have to work out the details. And, you know, finish writing the thing. In my copious spare time. As my own personal comedy duo sings "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" in the background.
(Hey, come to think of it, maybe that's not a bad whodunnit topic...)
The bodies of the mangled mourning doves litter the baseball diamond. Eager Little Leaguers arrive for practice, gloves in hand, but flee in tears at the carnage before them. Turkey vultures circle overhead, hoping for an opportunity to dart in and seize a corpse for an afternoon snack. The parents eye the scavengers warily as they herd their permanently scarred players back into the minivans. Is it a job for The Frontier Team?
No, no, it most definitely is not. I don't even write that way, for pity's sake.
I think I'd better go to bed.
The DS2
Madison and Ella have started a singing/dancing troupe which they are calling the "DS2" which stands for Dancing-Singing-2.
For the last three days, they have been rehearsing for about 45 minutes to an hours (seriously!) choreographing fun and funny routines to songs they know. We get a new routine each night. They dress in black and white, or all white, or all black, and wear black top hats.
The first day, the routine was to Tom Lehrer's "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park." Then Cole Porter's "They All Laughed." And last night they chose "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."
They call themselves "Hope (Ella) and Joy (Madison), the D...S...2!" They are remarkably like Penn and Teller; Ella is silent (except when she's singing) and Madison does all the talking. And they even physically resemble Penn & Teller, what with Madison being much bigger and wearing glasses. (After we realized this, we showed them a Penn & Teller YouTube, a clean one: their appearance on The View in Las Vegas a few years ago. It will be so much fun when they're ready to see "Bullshit!" but it's just a bit too foul-mouthed right now.)
They both sing well, actually. And Ella dances well. As for Madison...well, at times Madison's klutziness is almost aggressive. But it works pretty well for the comedy effect.
For the last three days, they have been rehearsing for about 45 minutes to an hours (seriously!) choreographing fun and funny routines to songs they know. We get a new routine each night. They dress in black and white, or all white, or all black, and wear black top hats.
The first day, the routine was to Tom Lehrer's "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park." Then Cole Porter's "They All Laughed." And last night they chose "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."
They call themselves "Hope (Ella) and Joy (Madison), the D...S...2!" They are remarkably like Penn and Teller; Ella is silent (except when she's singing) and Madison does all the talking. And they even physically resemble Penn & Teller, what with Madison being much bigger and wearing glasses. (After we realized this, we showed them a Penn & Teller YouTube, a clean one: their appearance on The View in Las Vegas a few years ago. It will be so much fun when they're ready to see "Bullshit!" but it's just a bit too foul-mouthed right now.)
They both sing well, actually. And Ella dances well. As for Madison...well, at times Madison's klutziness is almost aggressive. But it works pretty well for the comedy effect.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
The Ross Family "Nows"
Ella has been doing a lot of writing this summer; she writes in her journal nightly and continues to make lists of things. She loves "having a restaurant" for dinner -- she finds out what we're having, names the restaurant (last night it was "Verdura" -- Spanish for vegetables, because it happened to have no meat), and makes up a menu. Then she writes down everyone's order and delivers it in the kitchen to me, then brings out each person's dish and pours the wine.
Yesterday, Ella decided that she was going to produce a family newspaper. She interviewed each of us, and today we received the first edition of the "Ross Family Nows." She had actually intended to write "Ross Family News," but made a typo and decided that "Nows" was cuter, presumably because it implies an up-to-the-minute reporting style. It has a typical about-to-be-third-grader's unabashed phonetic spelling, too, sporting words such as "wrcing" and "spashlt" (specialty) and "math matishuon." Graphics feature prominently in the Word document, which she typed out and printed all herself.
Yesterday, Ella decided that she was going to produce a family newspaper. She interviewed each of us, and today we received the first edition of the "Ross Family Nows." She had actually intended to write "Ross Family News," but made a typo and decided that "Nows" was cuter, presumably because it implies an up-to-the-minute reporting style. It has a typical about-to-be-third-grader's unabashed phonetic spelling, too, sporting words such as "wrcing" and "spashlt" (specialty) and "math matishuon." Graphics feature prominently in the Word document, which she typed out and printed all herself.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Anvil legal question from Madison
Madison has been very interested in discussing legal questions lately, scoping out what aspects of life the law governs and what it doesn't.
This was just heard at the dinner table:
"So if Max and Henry were over at our house, and they were juggling anvils up in my bedroom...and one of the anvils crashed through the floor and came through the kitchen ceiling and fell onto the table..."
"Yes...?"
"Well, what would happen?"
This was just heard at the dinner table:
"So if Max and Henry were over at our house, and they were juggling anvils up in my bedroom...and one of the anvils crashed through the floor and came through the kitchen ceiling and fell onto the table..."
"Yes...?"
"Well, what would happen?"
Saturday, July 18, 2009
New verse to Jingle Bells
Last night, several hours after Madison had gone to sleep, she appeared in the office where David and I were working. She looked awfully awake, but she wasn’t really awake.
“I think I’ve really accomplished a lot,” she mumbled, as I steered her toward the bathroom.
“What?” I asked.
“I’ve made a new verse,” she said. “To…” her forehead wrinkled. “I can’t think. Snowbells? No. That’s not right. To Jingle Bells.”
I figured she’d been dreaming about writing new verses to Jingle Bells. Okay, whatever. I was amused, but I didn’t ask her more because I wanted her to go back to sleep.
This morning, I asked her if she remembered what she said to me. “I think I told you about writing the alternate verse to Jingle Bells,” she said.
“Right! You were dreaming about writing verses to Jingle Bells?”
“No, I was doing it before I went to sleep. Here it is!” and she recited to me:
“Did you write that down?” I asked.
“Nope, I just remembered it,” she said. “I made up another half verse, but I kind of lost it.”
“Well, I’m going to write it down,” I said. “That’s going in the Book of Madison.”
“I think I’ve really accomplished a lot,” she mumbled, as I steered her toward the bathroom.
“What?” I asked.
“I’ve made a new verse,” she said. “To…” her forehead wrinkled. “I can’t think. Snowbells? No. That’s not right. To Jingle Bells.”
I figured she’d been dreaming about writing new verses to Jingle Bells. Okay, whatever. I was amused, but I didn’t ask her more because I wanted her to go back to sleep.
This morning, I asked her if she remembered what she said to me. “I think I told you about writing the alternate verse to Jingle Bells,” she said.
“Right! You were dreaming about writing verses to Jingle Bells?”
“No, I was doing it before I went to sleep. Here it is!” and she recited to me:
I was just adding yeast
To our great big Christmas feast
But when the very first guests arrived,
The cooking quickly ceased.
First came Auntie Pat
And then our Uncle Lou
And then our cousin Dan arrived
With his big sister Sue.
“Did you write that down?” I asked.
“Nope, I just remembered it,” she said. “I made up another half verse, but I kind of lost it.”
“Well, I’m going to write it down,” I said. “That’s going in the Book of Madison.”
Friday, July 17, 2009
Flute lessons
Madison started flute lessons Wednesday, at the Hochstein School of Music and Dance. She loves her teacher, and so do I. She says she wants to practice 21 times per week. I'm happy she's glad to practice, but I sure hope the 21 times is an exaggeration, especially this week, as her sole assignment is just to practice toodling so that she consistently gets a TOOT sound instead of a PWOOF sound. She had definitely improved by the end of yesterday.
I hope that being more conscious of her lips will help her with this mouth thing she's been doing lately. (Maybe she's been doing it all her life and I just only recently noticed. But I'm pretty sure not.) She's sucking her lower lip into her mouth and holding it there with her teeth, especially when she's concentrating on something else. Her lower lip and the area below it is getting chapped, which is a feat in the summertime. She looks like a beaver, and this is nudging up to 30%-40% of the times I look at her. Thirty seconds after I tell her to stop (all I have to do is stare at her and do the Beaver Look myself, and she releases her lip...she sees it really does look ridiculous), she's at it again as soon as her focus is elsewhere. It drives me a little nuts, because it looks so goofy, especially with those braces-are-in-my-future crooked front teeth.
So maybe the flute will help.
I hope that being more conscious of her lips will help her with this mouth thing she's been doing lately. (Maybe she's been doing it all her life and I just only recently noticed. But I'm pretty sure not.) She's sucking her lower lip into her mouth and holding it there with her teeth, especially when she's concentrating on something else. Her lower lip and the area below it is getting chapped, which is a feat in the summertime. She looks like a beaver, and this is nudging up to 30%-40% of the times I look at her. Thirty seconds after I tell her to stop (all I have to do is stare at her and do the Beaver Look myself, and she releases her lip...she sees it really does look ridiculous), she's at it again as soon as her focus is elsewhere. It drives me a little nuts, because it looks so goofy, especially with those braces-are-in-my-future crooked front teeth.
So maybe the flute will help.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Rejection! But a "positive" one
From Random House:
Definitely the most encouraging rejection I've received yet.
I finally got a chance to sit down with The Frontier Team this weekend and really enjoyed the chapters you sent—the Jameses in particular! Unfortunately, for whatever reason, I just didn’t fall in love with the project, which is something I require from everything I acquire, and I’m going to have to pass on this one.
Best of luck finding the right home for this! Just keep sending it out and I’m sure you will.
Definitely the most encouraging rejection I've received yet.
Wyoming scenes I'd like to paint
I just may paint some of these. I am itching to paint. (On the other hand, I came back from my trip with a new sense of purpose about some projects, and I'm going to make headway on them before I give myself the luxury of painting time.)
Old Faithful with buffalo magically trotting in front of it at just the moment of eruption:
Thermals at Yellowstone:
A cool thermal up close:
South of Jackson, WY:
On the road into Jackson, WY:
The sun through the trees, early morning in Jackson, WY:
The Madison River in Yellowstone:
Looking at the Tetons:
Waterfall on Pine Creek Trail in southern Montana:
Old Faithful with buffalo magically trotting in front of it at just the moment of eruption:
Thermals at Yellowstone:
A cool thermal up close:
South of Jackson, WY:
On the road into Jackson, WY:
The sun through the trees, early morning in Jackson, WY:
The Madison River in Yellowstone:
Looking at the Tetons:
Waterfall on Pine Creek Trail in southern Montana:
Monday, July 13, 2009
The best vacation ever
The trip out to Yellowstone was busy, fun- and friend-filled, and just about perfect. The girls recorded everything in their journals, I have 600 photos, and I'll be coming out with a series of articles about the trip with recommendations and everything. We had, miracle of miracles, no travel problems, and even the fact that the first and last days were filled with driving long distances didn't phase the kids. (Thank Zeus for DVD players.)
I have been trying to organize the photos and select a few representative ones from each section. These are some photos with me in them (I was the cameraman for 95% of the photos we took, though).
I am not in this one (hope that's obvious):
That's Ella holding Serena, Madison holding Tatiana (not to be confused with the real-life Tatiana who is with me in the picture above). The girls got the bears at Yellowstone. You might think it would be a bad idea to procure large stuffed animals on a big out-west driving trip. I did, too. But in this case, we were both wrong. Those girls love those bears beyond any other souvenir they've ever gotten.
I have been trying to organize the photos and select a few representative ones from each section. These are some photos with me in them (I was the cameraman for 95% of the photos we took, though).
I am not in this one (hope that's obvious):
That's Ella holding Serena, Madison holding Tatiana (not to be confused with the real-life Tatiana who is with me in the picture above). The girls got the bears at Yellowstone. You might think it would be a bad idea to procure large stuffed animals on a big out-west driving trip. I did, too. But in this case, we were both wrong. Those girls love those bears beyond any other souvenir they've ever gotten.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Off! Happy Fourth of July!
We are off to the great wilds of the Rocky Mountains and Yellowstone -- if you could call "wilds" flying to Denver and meandering up to Wyoming and Montana and staying in some nice inns and seeing all of the Yellowstone attractions and the hyper-history that is Cody, WY. (There, e.g., we are staying in an inn run by the great-granddaughter of Buffalo Bill Cody.)
I took the time to set up my email and all the programs I'd need on Ella's mini laptop yesterday, which means I don't also have to lug around this "big" old laptop. Most of the places we're staying are extremely civilized, with free wifi, so I may well be in touch.
The girls are still going gangbusters on their journals, and seem to regard them as The Most Important Thing Not to Forget. Yay!
I took the time to set up my email and all the programs I'd need on Ella's mini laptop yesterday, which means I don't also have to lug around this "big" old laptop. Most of the places we're staying are extremely civilized, with free wifi, so I may well be in touch.
The girls are still going gangbusters on their journals, and seem to regard them as The Most Important Thing Not to Forget. Yay!
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