Hard work pays off

I mentioned in my post on May 4 that Madison was practicing to audition for the Bach Children's Chorus, which is an amateur-but-professional-quality classical children's chorus here in Rochester which sings in many languages. It's for 8-to-17-year-olds, with the average age of about 12, I'd estimate. Madison will be 8 in September, so she's on the young side.

The audition pieces were rigorous -- one song was in German -- and they sing very high -- she had to be able to sustain a high G in one place, and get to it from a B-flat.

They give you a one-to-one pre-audition workshop which was last Saturday, and at it, my baby crashed and burned out of a sudden case of nerves. I felt so terrible for her, but she did not get very upset about it, especially when I assured her that this happens to many and that she's really on the young side to be trying out for the choir anyway. I was very proud of her for keeping her composure. I also felt really guilty for not having given her much more guidance than I had, I had basically left her on her own to listen to the practice CD. She knew the German no problem, but vocally she just couldn't hit the high notes.

The audition-proper was yesterday, and so, in the spirit of "if Mom doesn't know the tips to give you, she'll find someone who does," on Sunday I had a friend who sings classically work with her, and on Monday and Tuesday I got her two lessons at a conservatory near here. And yesterday, she rallied incredibly, and did VERY well at the audition (it helped that the director, who had been very pressed for time on Saturday and had basically dismissed her at the time after Madison had said "I CAN'T sing those high notes," had seen so many children in the last week that she didn't really remember Madison, so she didn't remember how badly she had done the first time).

You might get the impression that I was pushing her to be in the choir, but that isn't the case at all -- the kid loves to sing, and wanted so badly to be in the choir that she worked like heck, all from her own impetus, for the last three weeks. I did want her to get in because it's exactly the kind of musical experience that will focus her, she'll love it, they sing BEAUTIFUL music (when I was a child playing cello in the NJ Region II orchestra, it would move me that I was part of making beautiful music, and that stayed with me forever), and she'll become friends with good kids who are like her. But I really only wanted her to get in because SHE wanted to get in...I certainly didn't push her at all. She didn't have the sense that I wanted her to get in for any reason other than that I wanted to help her get what she wanted.

Part of the reason the director was impressed yesterday, I think, is that Madison was very willing to work there with her to do what the director wanted...she took Madison through various exercises to see her range, to help her envision the various notes, to correct a bit of the pronunciation. There was no fidgeting, no resistance, just focus on the director and willingness to follow the directions. Part of that was that she had gotten used to that from the various lessons she'd had this week. I was just about bursting with pride.

Even Madison could see the difference after the pros helped her out in the last several days. "Mom," she said in the car after the audition, "I couldn't have gotten in if it hadn't been for you helping me practice and getting me the lessons." I was stunned that at 7 she could step back and see that, but of course I downplayed it. "That's my job, to get you the tools you need to do what you want to do," I replied.

I was actually more stressed out than Madison was between Saturday and today, although she of course didn't know it. It's possible that the hives I broke out in on Saturday afternoon were the main manifestation of my internal strife. The night before the audition, I woke up at 4am with the music playing loudly in my head, and couldn't get back to sleep for 2 hours. This morning, even after Madison's success yesterday, I also woke up at 4am with the music playing loudly in my head, and because I couldn't get back to sleep, here I am at the computer at 5:30.

I was so worried that Madison would be devastated if she didn't get in, that this would reinforce her tendency to hedge-the-bet and denigrate herself and predict doom rather than success, to prevent that kind of disappointment in future endeavors. She really would do that, too, she's so passionate about things. I know that if she didn't get in after working so hard, that this in itself would have been a valuable lesson, that sometimes you work hard and it doesn't work out, but I want her to learn THAT lesson a little later in life than 7! Madison takes things too seriously so often, so I had so carefully to harness her drive and use it to motivate her to practice, but also to balance it with the reassurance that if she didn't get in this year, she's really on the young side ("sometimes I do take third graders," the director commented, "but not often."), that there are other choruses she could sing in if she didn't get in.

But it looks very much like she got in. Comments like, "she has a beautiful voice," and "I think this program will be exactly what she needs" and "I'm very suspicious of voice lessons around here because they tend to emphasize chest voice over head voice, and the kids lose the ability to sing in the head voice...she might be better off just in the chorus with no lessons at all" and "we can't let people OFFICIALLY know until after June 4" tell me that the director will let her in.

What a relief.

And, as I've been telling her the last couple of weeks, simply the fact that she has worked SO HARD at this makes me so confident for her in the future, that she'll be able to achieve exactly what she wants to achieve in life. I'm so proud.