Monday, May 04, 2009
The latest parenting dilemma
What does one do when the go-with-the-flow YOUNGER sister is qualified to move up to the next level gymnastics class for next semester, but not the competitive older sister? They say I can hold Ella back with no problem, no one will really notice. I might do that. They both have a good time at gymnastics, but neither considers it fundamental to her happiness or anything. They could give it up easily. If Ella considered it the end-all and be-all of her existence, I'd have to let her go ahead. But as it is, I'm still not sure what to do.
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3 comments:
Oh, that is tricky! I'm with you--it wouldn't be fair to keep Ella back if she was super into it.
What would happen if Ella moved up? Of course Madison would be upset, but would she quit? Would that be okay if she decided to quit gymnastics? Would Ella be sad if her sister quit?
I don't have any answers, just asking question that I'm sure you've asked yourself. Could you talk with them about it, just ask Ella if she wants to move up? I *think* if it were me, I'd have to present the opportunity to the kid who is ready for it, but be ready to accept that the other kid might quit, and of course, help everyone work through her emotions about the whole thing.
But if it's not essential to Madison's happiness--maybe it won't be such a big deal to her if her sister moves up.
We've sort of deal with this in a different realm--Morgan can read quite well and Ryan is noticeably behind her skill level. There are 3 years between them. I've noticed that Ryan gets annoyed sometimes by this, but we've talked about how it's important for him to focus on HIS own work and improving for himself, rather than compare himself to Morgan. He *seems* to get it, but it's hard to tell. We've tried to explain that some skills are easier for some people to pick up, but that doesn't mean he won't be able to do it.
Tricky, tricky, though. I'll be interested to hear how you guys decide to approach this. Good luck!
And of course I wish I had spell-checked my previous comment! Argh. I'm blaming the baby. :o)
Since I'm not around kids, I can't fully appreciate their pychology, but....
If Ella wants, let her move up. Madison just has to deal with her younger sister being better at some things than her.(Unless you want to pull a "Harrison Bergeron" and handicap high achievers down to the lowest common denominator. No? I didn't think so.)
There's no rule that younger siblings can't surpass older ones in anything. (Even if yours never did in anything that matters!)Otherwise we'd only allow oldest childen, or ones whose older siblings already won a gold medal, compete at the Olympics. No leapfrogging allowed!
I'll also remind you of a mid-April post of yours about reading:
"And, worst of all, this test makes it thoroughly apparent to me that Ella's reading level is way far behind where Madison's was at the end of first grade. Now, I'm not all hyped up on my kids being precocious in everything, or even in anything. But there's no question that Madison takes in far more information per unit time than Ella does, simply because she reads voraciously. I was the same way at her age, and it made for a very rich intellectual life."
You added in that same post that you worried Ella would be seen as the lesser sister of Madison. This may be the pursuit where that gets flipped around.
- Patrick
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