I hate computer games

But what I really mean is, I love them.

Hello, my name is Deb, and I am a computer game addict.

Hi, Deb.

There is a part of my brain that is terribly, terribly happy when it's playing games that involve small bits of logic. I realized this in 1996 when I lost three business days to Minesweeper. You know, Minesweeper, the game that comes with every Windows system.

I can think when I'm playing Minesweeper. Not too profoundly, mind you, but I can think about other things with the part of my brain that is not playing Minesweeper, the way David can think about math when he's driving. For instance, I wrote this blog entry in my head while playing Minesweeper a few minutes ago.

I haven't played computer games in years. After I emerged from that 3-day loss 12 years ago, feeling as I imagine an alcoholic does after a binge, I banned all games from all computers I have ever owned. So I got out of playing them totally. Haven't played in years. Whenever the girls get a new game, I absolutely don't play it. They know that Mommy's brain is too happy playing games, and it takes away from actual productivity. Mommy is living far too close to the edge of the balance of running Axton, running KidsOutAndAbout, trying to learn new software to expand KidsOutAndAbout, writing a book, and homeschooling as it is.

And then, while I was lying in bed with Madison so sick this week and trying to come up with something I could do with her because her eyeballs and brain didn't feel like reading, I realized that there were the Windows games on this laptop I got last year.

Good heavens.

I showed Madison. I showed Ella. And then, two nights ago while I was sitting up with Madison at midnight trying to get her to sleep, I played Minesweeper as she tried to doze. And then, *an hour and a half later* I realized she was asleep and I should probably do the same. I was getting an average of 5 hours per night while up and down with her, I was exhausted, I desperately needed sleep, and there I was playing Minesweeper.

I got the medium level (40 mines) down to 98 seconds, though.

What an idiot.

It helps to write about it, you know?

Good thing I never tried drugs.